Aiz Maclaim

It's a relief that my internship is starting today.
at long last...

You cant categorize me in the styles list.
I wear anythg and everythg.
I am not ur lowly trendywanker.
I am me.

nothing for P4.
nothing at all.
really nothing.
NO-THING.


fml.

now how am i sposed to dream like this?
can i still.. dream?
or i'll disappear, into forlorn and old age, never having done what i wanted to...

my promise, to my fucking self.
i'll prove you wrong.
only time will tell.

had a fun time this week. almost everynight out with the Fat Donuts, tryna fix up all the bikes and stuff.
new outlooks for most of them bikes we did. i wana get an airbrush so that i can design those bike tanks.
promised a few of them that im gona do their tanks so been busy tryna think of some shizzle.
hopefully somethg crops up.

i havent finished my online portfolio yet. thats bad.. very very BAD.

on a lighter note. went for my friend's bday party chill session.
great night, great wind, great atmosphere, great place.
i wana go there again.

Saturday: Had a great time going to a Metal gig with Bren. Met Shahrul, Ewan,Jack and the rest there.
After the gig, me and Bren met Sith and Chan to go eat at Haig Rd.
After that, all four of us rode all the way to Changi Beach to meet Ram and his friend for fishing.
but not before going to Changi Village to get beer for beer-bellied Bren. lol
After having a campfire and fishing abit, bren and i met Omar and his frens at his fren's condo to get high!
and i caught the bloody dragon.. woohoo! 3 hits and im outta here. ahahahah
a really really great night!!!

Sunday: went to johor to see my aunts terrace there. then visit my other aunts house nearby.
chilled alot and relaxed before we headed to Danga Bay. i didnt know the had a bloody theme park! lol
surprise surprise, everyone's catching up in this entertainment business...

Monday: went to meet shak, andy and alyph at Simpang.
then one by one everyone came, including my elder bro, syafiq and raihan.
after chilling there for a few hours, we went to Katong to play Left4dead.
and bloody hell, that was the best game ive ever played man. like seriously effing intense.

the best week to get me all relaxed and refreshed.
now to prepare for the interim on thursday!

havent had proper sleep in like 3 days.. especially the day before submission yesterday where i had no sleep at all.
3 days of doing work and procrastinating, doing work and procrastinating and at last i finished my submission. this can only mean one thing. ALWAYS START EARLY.

i really hafta learn frm my mistakes of always doing last minute work in the past and end up not finishing them.
im relieved. so very relieved.. =)

tonight i can sleep at ease.... ^^

from truths to gossips, get twisted and bent,
the lies passed around, it never ends,
the things that mouths so eager to spew,
is never one or two but few,

and these very souls cant live without,
the latest news to gossip bout,
and dig the dirty laundry of ones past,
so obsolete, like metal's rust,

what's the use of looking back,
that he said this or she said that,
when you can look in front and see,
the future, not what's history,

especially when tongues that wag,
start barking off behind your back,
just pause a sec and think it through,
how would you feel if me was you,

when they approach you, foreheads creased,
and pressure you to say your piece,
but when you spill, theres nothing wrong,
they say you're lying all along,

helpless and not knowing why,
she could not look me in the eye,
to tell me what she's bothered by,
instead of keeping mum and cry,

for three years i've endured the shit,
that people throw and people spit,
but now this cycle comes again,
the spinning wheel of needless pain...



I've had enough of the bullshit man.
must go talk it out very soon.
some people think its fun to speak shit and it turns out the whole thing becomes worse.
now you can feel the animosity and awkwardness.
and you say its my fault???

ok fine then. everytime something bad happens to someone, its always my fault.
but its okay, i'll take the rap like i always do and bite my tongue to shut up.
but i dont see it as a burden. if i can help someone, i'll do it without wanting anythg in return.
period.

if someone is scared to talk, then the problem will never be solved, whatever the problem was in the first place.
when someone keeps it in for too long, it becomes a grudge.
like some people who decide to carelessly talk about something and never think about how the other party feels.

i love my friends, but if some decide to find a flaw in me and make a big hoo-ha about it, fine.
some things i said get misinterpreted.
some things i never said, get put into my mouth and pushed down my throat.

pin pointing who said what and all that isnt really the matter.
that would make someone feel worse.
i hate that.
certainly not something one should achieve.

 i am Aiz, not someone special.
i am not emo. i am not deep.
im just a thinker.
and i am a human being.
the moment a person forgets that, then they fail to see what they are themselves.

think and you'll know what im talking about.

for those who have no friends in mind to listen to their voice,
for those that seek a place to hide to keep out all the noise,
for those that keep their secrets close and never say a word,
forever will thy never speak, forever be unheard.

I feel damn bad.
so damn bad i feel like doing somethg about it.
but im afraid i'll just make it worse.
i can still see her giving me the wtf look.
like some kinda disappointment.
she gave me somethg but i couldnt even let her have a nice first ride.
what a bummer.
i suck.
period.

i hope it doesnt get any worse than this.. seriously.
and i dont think she'll read this anyway.
but oh well.


sorry.

i have so many appointments with people but i am very busy.
if only i could say no to people. but i have a soft spot when it comes to close friends..

anws, duno whther wana follow the Fat Donuts to Gelang Patah not.. haizzzzzz
sian ah now. year 3 ready. though i hate this school so much for giving me so many assignments, i'll still miss it.

i NEED sleep.
period.

i'll find a passage, a winding road or two,
to while the time away, to get lost into,
to wash the memories that stick to mind,
and pour them through the drain, never to find,
for losing oneself is much easier,
and embrace with open arms amnesia,
to forget the sins that one commit,
to jump back instead of forward leap,
to type again and press refresh,
oh how i long for history's death..

forget, forget, it echoes by,
forget i shall, is my reply...

~ Aiz
 

cold as icicles that drip from the top of caves,
silent as an empty house, abandoned by its owner,
i am nobody, cause nobody knows me,
like a pixel in a photograph, i disappear into the big picture,
i smile in front of people, but break into tears behind,
not two faced, but a mask with a face underneath,
i hide my emotions, like a caged lion in its enclosure,
for fear of hatred and hurt if i let go,
not a single soul to turn too, so i dont turn at all,
keep my gaze straight into the abyss, prepared for a long fall,
cautious with every step i take, like a tomb raider in a pharaoh's sacred room,
i tread through life, a road so full of pitholes the size of craters,
looking at what the future holds, not knowing,
i walk alone, with my very two feet dragging across the tar,
i turned to face no one, and these mandibles of mine speak,
I AM AIZ, you are nobody...

~ Aiz

no I'm not emo.
maybe i just think more than most of you guys do..
see, i think some people may think im weird.
but u really dont know whats gg on in my mind so dont say shit about me.
its not like u share the same brain as me and thus know exactly what im thinking abt.

i am deep, like 10,000 leagues under the sea.
LOL

i will not succumb to the lowly depths of not doing my work.
I WILL COMPLETE 4 SCREEN DESIGNS TOMORROW.

i love the people in my life, but i HATE Assignments.
He sucks assholes.

LOL

sometimes you get so caught up in the heat of things that you forget to take a step back and look at the mess ure in and say to urself, "woah, i need a breather".

and if that doesnt help, you keep saying you wanna help yourself but i dont think help is tryna forget that u ever really needed help.
people look at you different. do you care? NO. u dont. not at all.
wait till u see when school reopens.
all the bullshit starts again. doesnt seem to have an end to that.

say thanks to all those chilling and riding sessions with the TWs and Rx-Ks.
all those spray sessions with the graffiti writers, both from SG and KL.
all those sheesha sessions with the usual mates from school.
all those stay-at-home sessions with the family.
things that keep me sane. really..

working on my realism and surrealism techniques.
gonna paint my bike with bear and sab next week. (maybe hafiz can come down too)
ive got some great ideas for a project, thanks to those guys...

peace of mind.
thats what i need.
but its nt over yet.
just a day more.
im keeping my fingers crossed.

go to class in the morning.
friday prayers at noon.
get some sleep in the aftrenoon.
dinner and sheesha at night.

now if only i could pull myself to go to the gym again.

no...time...to...post.....